Stories of Synchronicity
by Beth Kozan
In my many years of working in the adoption business, I collected a lot of adoption stories. Many times I retold a story to let someone know they weren’t alone. As I began collecting stories for a potential book, I noticed many of these stories held little gems in them: synchronicities. These were stories that held incredulity and a sense of wonder. Thus, the title of my book is Adoption: More Than By Chance.
Carl Jung is thought to be the first person to put the name of synchronicity to the phenomenon; he likened synchronicity to the familiar feeling of déjà vu. Once you identify and start to notice synchronicities, you see them more and more. I decided my first book about adoption would focus on the stories with synchronicities.
The first adoption reunion in which I participated began when Tara, a high school senior, came to the adoption agency seeking knowledge of her birth mother so that she could begin a search. At the time, we could only give out non-identifying information: no last names or addresses or dates of birth. When I went to the stored files, I learned that Daphne, Tara’s birth mother, had written the agency about three months earlier to give her current name and address in case her child contacted the agency when she turned 18. I decided to interview both of them before they met.
Tara came in to see me first. It was a morning in early June, and she would soon be graduating from high school. She was a tall girl, five feet eleven inches, with blonde, shoulder-length hair that she wore with bangs and a grown-out permanent with waves starting about temple level. She wore a red sundress with spaghetti straps and a ruffle on the bottom. Tara told me she had wanted to meet her birth mother since she was eight. This need had intensified during the last year when she had volunteered with abused children. She said she needed to thank her birth mother for giving her a positive life with her adoptive parents.
That afternoon, Daphne came to the office for her “prepare-to-meet” interview. To my astonishment, Daphne (who had been nineteen when she gave birth) was a much shorter woman than her birth daughter, but she wore her shoulder-length brown hair in the same style as Tara’s, complete with a grown-out permanent, bangs, and a middle part. And even harder to believe, Daphne had on a sundress strikingly similar to the one Tara had been wearing that morning – spaghetti straps and a gathered skirt with a ruffle on the bottom – only hers was of purple, blue and white stripes. I was absolutely amazed at these concrete similarities.
Daphne called Tara from my office, and they decided to meet at a nearby park later the same day. “How will I know you?” asked Tara.
“Beth says our hair is fixed the same way,” Daphne answered. “And she says we’re wearing the same dress, just in different colors!”
What if you’re adopted, but you don’t see synchronicities in your story? It doesn’t invalidate anyone’s story not to find some striking connections, and it doesn’t take long to find that all adoption stories are special!
Beth Kozan is the author of the upcoming books, Adoption: More Than by Chance and Helping the Birth Mother You Know. Beth worked in adoption for 35 years and retired to write. She has many more books than these titles to write and will emphasize and explore the concept of community in her additional books. “Growing up in a close agriculture-based, rural community in Texas, I felt the comfort and bonds of caring for others which is often missing in our busy lives today. Exploring and building communities for today is my writer’s goal.” Follow Beth on Facebook or vist her website, where she reviews books and films featuring adoption.