The Necessary Separation Between Fact and Emotion in Divorce Court
by Rob Pikula
During your stressful, emotional, and chaotic times in court, have you ever felt like you’re about to lose it and simply want to scream?! Controlling your emotions is especially difficult when trying to keep it all together and recall all of the facts correctly.
Imagine you’ve been trying to get into court with your soon-to-be ex-spouse for months. So many things have occurred, and you are extremely worried, scared, and nervous as hell. It sickens you to think about all that’s happening right now, and you’re terrified the madness will go on forever. Over the past several months, your ex purposely and successfully charged your phone bill to more than $500 and refused to make the car payments. Your car has been repossessed, and now you’re not sure if you will ever get it back. You came home one day to find several of your possessions missing – including more than half of your dishes, the couch, the TV, and that beautiful plant you loved so much. As if that’s not enough, the back window is shattered all over the floor. You go through the steps of calling the police again, and again.
Your ex comes to pick up your child (per the judge’s wishes), but all you can do is scream at each other. Your ex screams all the way to the car and slams the car into gear. And of course, all the neighbors can hear and are laughing at you. It’s enough to make a sane person come apart at the seams.
FACT vs HEARSAY
Understandably, most things said in court between two spouses are generally considered hearsay. This is primarily because such exchanges are based on a “he said/she said” approach, with few, if any, documents to serve as evidence.
A factual account is a detailed, descriptive document which is well written and usually signed by more than one person. In court, a signed document from a professional or authority figure of some type is usually welcomed as evidence. My recommendation to tip the scales in your favor is to “recruit” as many of the authorities and professional people involved in your case as possible. This doesn’t mean you actually hire them, but you will want to approach every person with professional expertise who could help you in court.
I recommend you create a “witness form” (even a handwritten one will do) to have on hand at all times. This contains the time, date, and a brief description of every interaction. As often as possible, ask a trusted friend, family member, or other loved one to accompany you when dropping off and picking up your child from your spouse’s custody. Have him/her sign your witness form each time. All too often, this signed piece of paper is all the proof you have if something goes wrong during these interactions.
I learned the hard way that many people who said they would go to court for me failed to show up and left me stranded. My lawyer has seen this so often in his career that he didn’t want to count on anyone as a witness until they actually appeared in court. You may need your witness form to stand in for the actual people, so be sure to carry these documents with you everywhere you go. If an incident occurred between you and your ex and the police or your neighbors were involved, you can have proof of the truth in court before your ex turns everything around with their lies. Without such documentation, the court might very well believe the lies.
In an effort to understand how to win my own emotional warfare, I’ve done some in-depth research about human thought patterns. The research of Dr. Wayne Dyer and Louise Hay has been particularly helpful.
Here’s an excerpt from Dr. Wayne Dyer’s article “Stress Begone!”
“We speak of stress as if it were present in the world as something that attacks us. But the stress in your body is rarely the result of external forces or entities attacking you; it’s the result of the weakened connection to Source caused by the belief that ego is who you are. You are peace and joy, but you’ve allowed your ego to dominate your life.”
QUIET THE MIND
The above passage indicates how crucial it is for everyone – including you – to learn to control our emotions and become more aware of how we are mentally processing specific issues. There are many ways to quiet the mind.
Meditation is a great way to relax your body, recognize your thoughts, and gently (but firmly) turn your thoughts toward more productive paths. With a little understanding, you can meditate for just 5 minutes at a time and be deeply effective in calming yourself down. The wonderful thing about meditation is that you can do it just about anywhere – especially as you sit in your car right before going into the court room.
CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS
Finally, the best thing you can do for your child is to control your emotions. This helps you to be more intuitive in court while providing case-helping facts to the judge. From my time in court, I learned that keeping a calm face and refraining from showing emotion while you are sitting on the stand and answering questions from both lawyers helps keep people from judging you. It’s also very important not to show emotion when sitting next to your lawyer while your ex is being questioned. I noticed that if there is only hearsay evidence, the judge and both lawyers intuitively watch your expressions to try to discover what you’re thinking or what kind of person you are – and they’re good at it. If you’re calm and purposeful, you’ll help your case exponentially more than if you’re anxious or angry.
ROB PIKULA is an author, artist, metaphysical intuitive, and certified Reiki master. Pikula’s art was exhibited in Modern Painters magazine of New York and Aesthetica of the UK. His first book, Our Children Come First, chronicles his battle for custody of his daughter. His forthcoming book will help parents and children overcome fear of spirits. Connect with Rob on Facebook and Twitter.